High school’s a time of change and growth.  I’ve changed a lot over the years.  You remember a quiet kid that kept to himself and didn’t really have any of his own ideas.  That couldn’t be further from the truth.  Now I have very strong viewpoints and I’m not afraid to voice them.  In fact maybe I voice them too often.  My neighbor hasn’t spoken to me in a year after we had a political debate.  I personally think he’s just being a sore loser.  It’s not my fault I know more about the world than he does.  I have Joe to thank for that.  I never really though of politics or anything else until I met him.  I remember the first time I went to his house we went around <?xml:namespace prefix = st1 ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags" /><st1:place w:st="on">East Amwell</st1:place> taking down Bush signs.  It’s because of him that I joined Amnesty International and started taking an interest in worldly issues and human rights.<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" /><o:p></o:p>

<o:p> </o:p>

Another change has been music.  I’ve always liked music, but my musical knowledge and background has grown exponentially.  I never thought I would actually be able to sit down and listen to a Miles Davis CD from beginning to end because I enjoy it.  I’ve decided that music will be my profession.  I want to be a recording engineer.<o:p></o:p>

<o:p> </o:p>

Floor polish is a wonderful thing.  You can have a dirty floor and all you have to do is vacuum, use a little Pledge floor polish and all the scratches and scuffs disappear.  It’s amazing.  You suddenly forget about the scratches and the previous crappiness of the floor.  Using floor polish is a wonderful idea.<o:p></o:p>

Floor polish has a huge impact on our society.  Not only is it used to clean floors but the whole concept of smoothing things over has been implemented elsewhere.  Particularly in our government.  Think about it.  You’re the president of the <st1:country-region w:st="on"><st1:place w:st="on">United States</st1:place></st1:country-region> and you f*cked up big time.  Crap there’s a lot of dirt on you and your reputation is scratched up.  Don’t worry corruption is the floor polish of politics.  Dish out enough money and the dirt and scratches go away.  Buy some “Bush Polish” at your local supermarket today.<o:p></o:p>

<o:p> </o:p>

It was so exciting.  Steve and I were in his basement where there were so many instruments and sound equipment that you could hardly walk.  I was always amazed at Steve’s basement.  I never could figure out how he got his hands on all that pro audio stuff.  Most of it was actually his brother’s, but it was still amazing that a high school student could own thousands of dollars worth of speakers, amplifiers, microphones, and all the mixers and cables to hook them all up.  He even had lights in his basement.  They flashed to the beat.  It was the coolest thing sitting down and watching Steve play drums and having the lights flash whenever he hit the bass drum, and how they would turn into strobes at a drum roll.  <o:p></o:p>

That’s where I first played bass.  It was an Ibanez GSR-200.  It was Steve’s, but I bought one shortly after that only mine was blue instead of red.  He hooked up Nirvana’s “Smells Like Teen Spirit” into the PA system and taught me how to play.  It was pretty easy.  Maybe three years of playing saxophone had helped me, but it just seemed natural to me.  I remember the strings feeling so coarse on my fingers.  Not sharp like a guitar string, but more like coarse sandpaper.  The rosewood fret board was smooth as ran my finger up it over the frets.  I liked the weight of the bass across my shoulder.  Four notes on this string now jump to the next.  Move your hand down and do it again.  It was a great feeling hearing those four notes belt through a 300 watt Hartke Half stack.

Relate some of my writing to my memoir? It’s really hard for me to do that. The only thing that is similar is that they are both memoir writings. I didn’t really try to emulate Mitch Albom because I’m not Mitch Albom and I don’t want to be Mitch Albom. If our goal was to write as much like the authors of our memoirs then I have completely and utterly failed. I personally would rather use my own voice and not try to imitate another writer’s style. I have a special way that I like to write. I like to use a lot of sarcasm. That’s why a controversial paper that deals with politics comes so naturally to me. I can easily voice my opinions and shoot down the opposition and use biting sarcasm to keep it interesting. On the flipside writing something about myself like a memoir or a name piece is very difficult for me. My best writing piece in the memoir section would probably be my scene. I like it because I think it is fairly descriptive and well written.

Mitch Albom’s Tuesdays with Morrie is an exceptional memoir about Mitch’s experience with his dying college professor, Morrie Shwartz. Morrie was diagnosed with ALS and had a very short time to live. Instead of giving up he decided to live life to its fullest even in the face of death. He teaches Mitch many life lessons.

Everyone knows that the only way a memoir is good is if it has self-discovery. After all there always must be a hidden meaning and symbolism for everything. Mitch’s self discovery is that life is precious. Through Morrie’s teaching he learned everything from being humble to being a good husband. He realizes that he has wasted much of his life working away when he should have been concentrating on finer things in life like love.

Another great thing about memoirs is their dialogue. I’ve been told that all good memoirs must have dialogue. They must not leave anything to the writers imagination. This novel definitely has dialogue although like other memoirs (ie. Ellen Foster) Mitch takes the liberty of breaking some punctuation rules. He never ever put quotes around what he said. Maybe this rule breaking is due to the fact that they are writing the book so we all know it’s their words. Whatever the case may be Mitch uses his dialogue in a way that adds to the book.

After reading this book you will be able to write your own best seller memoir. Of course you’ll only do that if you’re a good writer, and have an interesting life. For the rest of us, we probably won’t have any more luck writing a memoir after reading Tuesday’s With Morrie than any other time. The fact that I read a book doesn’t give me many ideas that would help me with my own writing. I can’t build characters for my own memoirs off of people that were never in my life. What this book does for me is give me an idea for living my life. A little rule book. I like the ideas and morals presented in this book, unfortunately none of them will help me with writing.

  It’s been a while.  Remember when we used to hang out in your basement for days on end playing computer games?  Or your birthday parties at the corn maze where we would have corn wars until the owners chased us out.  Good times.  High school’s been rough. A lot of change, but you know that too.  There are so many people I’ve lost in touch with and so many new friends I’ve made.  I’ve changed a lot over the years.  You remember a quiet kid that kept to himself and didn’t really have any of his own ideas.  That couldn’t be further from the truth.  Now I have very strong viewpoints and I’m not afraid to voice them.  In fact maybe I voice them too often.  My neighbor hasn’t spoken to me in a year after we had a political debate.  I personally think he’s just being a sore loser.  It’s not my fault I know more about the world than he does.  I have Joe to thank for that.  I never really though of politics or anything else until I met him.  I remember the first time I went to his house we went around East Amwell taking down Bush signs.  It’s because of him that I joined Amnesty International and started taking an interest in worldly issues and human rights.  We should get together soon.  I look forward to hearing from you.

I wrote to Sean because he was my best friend all through middle school and thinking back on the times we shared together he was the nicest most trustworthy friend I've ever had.  I think the central issue in this is the change from being quiet to outspoken.

revised essay

        High school’s a time of change and growth.  I’ve changed a lot over the years.  You remember a quiet kid that kept to himself and didn’t really have any of his own ideas.  That couldn’t be further from the truth.  Now I have very strong viewpoints and I’m not afraid to voice them.  In fact maybe I voice them too often.  My neighbor hasn’t spoken to me in a year after we had a political debate.  I personally think he’s just being a sore loser.  It’s not my fault I know more about the world than he does.  I have Joe to thank for that.  I never really though of politics or anything else until I met him.  I remember the first time I went to his house we went around East Amwell taking down Bush signs.  It’s because of him that I joined Amnesty International and started taking an interest in worldly issues and human rights. 

        Another change has been music.  I’ve always liked music, but my musical knowledge and background has grown exponentially.  I never thought I would actually be able to sit down and listen to a Miles Davis CD from beginning to end because I enjoy it.  I’ve decided that music will be my profession.  I want to be a recording engineer. 

Tuesdays with Morrie

P 23-40

Summary Mitch talks about his college years when he first took Morrie’s class. He visits Morrie at his house. When he gets there he is on the phone and Morrie is waiting for him outside. Even though he knows he should end his business call so he doesn’t keep his dying friend waiting he decides to pretend like he is looking for something and he finishes his call. Morrie talks to him about what its like to be dying. When Mitch leaves he tells Morrie he will keep in touch and tries not to think about what happened the last time he said that.

Prompt number three Is the author attempting to discover who they are or to understand his or her past? Is there a central question the book is trying to answer? (If the answer to these questions are “no” then choose another prompt). Essentially you are telling me that the answer is yes. So why ask the question in the first place? Yes the book is trying to answer a central question. What is the meaning in life? Or maybe What makes life worth living? Here is Morrie slowly dying and all he knows how to do is dish out love and friendship and talk about him dying. He’s not sad and he doesn’t give into self pity. His philosophy in life is much different than other people’s. It is actually a topic we’ve talked a lot about in class. Morrie doesn’t agree with the hectic lifestyle and the breakneck speed that people work at. To him love is what makes life worth living, not money and success. This makes Mitch question what he’s become. He used to share the same ideas as Morrie as they were very close when he was in college. But now all he does is work. He even sat in his car on a business call as his old, dying friend waited patiently outside for him.

Music

Learning

Friendship

Passion

Theft

Nirvana

Floor polish

Craftsmanship

Pro audio

Finding one’s self

 

 

            Floor polish is a wonderful thing.  You can have a dirty floor and all you have to do is vacuum, use a little Pledge floor polish and all the scratches and scuffs disappear.  It’s amazing.  You suddenly forget about the scratches and the previous crappiness of the floor.  Using floor polish is a wonderful idea.

Floor polish has a huge impact on our society.  Not only is it used to clean floors but the whole concept of smoothing things over has been implemented elsewhere.  Particularly in our government.  Think about it.  You’re the president of the United States and you f*cked up big time.  Crap there’s a lot of dirt on you and your reputation is scratched up.  Don’t worry corruption is the floor polish of politics.  Dish out enough money and the dirt and scratches go away.  Buy some “Bush Polish” at your local supermarket today.

It was so exciting.  Steve and I were in his basement where there were so many instruments and sound equipment that you could hardly walk.  I was always amazed at Steve’s basement.  I never could figure out how he got his hands on all that pro audio stuff.  Most of it was actually his brother’s, but it was still amazing that a high school student could own thousands of dollars worth of speakers, amplifiers, microphones, and all the mixers and cables to hook them all up.  He even had lights in his basement.  They flashed to the beat.  It was the coolest thing sitting down and watching Steve play drums and having the lights flash whenever he hit the bass drum, and how they would turn into strobes at a drum roll.  <?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" /><o:p></o:p>

That’s where I first played bass.  It was an Ibanez GSR-200.  It was Steve’s, but I bought one shortly after that only mine was blue instead of red.  He hooked up Nirvana’s “Smells Like Teen Spirit” into the PA system and taught me how to play.  It was pretty easy.  Maybe three years of playing saxophone had helped me, but it just seemed natural to me.  I remember the strings feeling so coarse on my fingers.  Not sharp like a guitar string, but more like coarse sandpaper.  The rosewood fret board was smooth as ran my finger up it over the frets.  I liked the weight of the bass across my shoulder.  Four notes on this string now jump to the next.  Move your hand down and do it again.  It was a great feeling hearing those four notes belt through a 300 watt Hartke Half stack.

Quiet

Short wavy hair

Owns hundreds of cds

Talented musician

Skinny

Uses a grunting language with his brother

Head nod

<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" /><o:p> </o:p>

How to be Steve

<o:p> </o:p>

Be quiet

Buy 500 cds

Listen to Dream Theater

Play drums and bass

Play them well

Be skinny

Make up a language composed of grunts and head gestures to avoid talking

Say hello by giving a little nod of the head

Mitch Albom seems like he is superhuman. He has not only written eight books, most of which were best sellers, but is an accomplished sports journalist. He has his own radio show. He’s been a sports commentator in the Olympic games, and he is an accomplished songwriter. It seems like there is nothing that he can’t do. He has even founded two charities, “The Dream Fund” and “A Time To Help.” http://www.albom.com/about_mitch.htm

I chose this book because I hear it is a good book. I remember when everyone was talking about it. If so many people think it’s a good book then it must be good right? After researching about this guy I want to know more about his life. He seems to have accomplished a lot in his lifetime and seems to be an interesting person.

The author chose to start the book by describing a class he took with his dying teacher. He made it seem like he was a college professor teaching class out of his house because he was too sick to get out of bed. At the end of the intro he said, “The last class of my old professor’s life had only one student. I was the student” (2). Now we see that the story isn’t about a college professor. It is about an old man being a mentor to a younger man. I think this was effective because he says the rest of the book is a paper that he wrote about what he learned. If you think about it any person that gives you wisdom can be just like any teacher. Anyone can be a teacher.

I remember the first time I picked up a bass.  It was so exciting.  Steve and I were in his basement where there were so many instruments and sound equipment that you could hardly walk.  I was always amazed at Steve’s basement.  I never could figure out how he got his hands on all that pro audio stuff.  Most of it was actually his brother’s, but it was still amazing that a high school student could own thousands of dollars worth of speakers, amplifiers, microphones, and all the mixers and cables to hook them all up.  He even had lights in his basement.  They flashed to the beat.  It was the coolest thing sitting down and watching Steve play drums and having the lights flash whenever he hit the bass drum, and how they would turn into strobes at a drum roll.  That’s where I first played bass.  It was an Ibanez GSR-200.  It was Steve’s, but I bought one shortly after that only mine was blue instead of red.  He hooked up Nirvana’s “Smells Like Teen Spirit” into the PA system and taught me how to play.  It was pretty easy.  Maybe three years of playing saxophone had helped me, but it just seemed natural to me.  I remember the strings feeling so course on my fingers.  Not sharp like a guitar string, but more like coarse sandpaper.  Four notes on this string now jump to the next.  Move your hand down and do it again.  Ya.  “Smells Like Teen Spirit” was the first song I ever played on bass.

Dear Diary,

 

 

I remember the first time I picked up a bass.  It was so exciting.  Steve and I were in his basement where there were so many instruments and sound equipment that you could hardly walk.  I was always amazed at Steve’s basement.  I never could figure out how he got his hands on all that pro audio stuff.  Most of it was actually his brother’s, but it was still amazing that a high school student could own thousands of dollars worth of speakers, amplifiers, microphones, and all the mixers and cables to hook them all up.  He even had lights in his basement.  They flashed to the beat.  It was the coolest thing sitting down and watching Steve play drums and having the lights flash whenever he hit the bass drum, and how they would turn into strobes at a drum roll.  That’s where I first played bass.  It was an Ibanez GSR-200.  It was Steve’s, but I bought one shortly after that only mine was blue instead of red.  He hooked up Nirvana’s “Smells Like Teen Spirit” into the PA system and taught me how to play.  It was pretty easy.  Maybe three years of playing saxophone had helped me, but it just seemed natural to me.  I remember the strings feeling so course on my fingers.  Not sharp like a guitar string, but more like coarse sandpaper.  Four notes on this string now jump to the next.  Move your hand down and do it again.  Ya.  “Smells Like Teen Spirit” was the first song I ever played on bass.

Dear Sean,

 

 

            It’s been a while.  Remember when we used to hang out in your basement for days on end playing computer games?  Or your birthday parties at the corn maze where we would have corn wars until the owners chased us out.  Good times.  High school’s been rough.  A lot of change, but you know that too.  There are so many people I’ve lost in touch with and so many new friends I’ve made.  I’ve changed a lot over the years.  You remember a quiet kid that kept to himself and didn’t really have any of his own ideas.  That couldn’t be further from the truth.  Now I have very strong viewpoints and I’m not afraid to voice them.  In fact maybe I voice them too often.  My neighbor hasn’t spoken to me in a year after we had a political debate.  I personally think he’s just being a sore loser.  It’s not my fault I know more about the world than he does.  I have Joe to thank for that.  I never really though of politics or anything else until I met him.  I remember the first time I went to his house we went around East Amwell taking down Bush signs.  It’s because of him that I joined Amnesty International and started taking in interest in worldly issues and human rights.  We should get together soon.  I look forward to hearing from you.

 

 

Josh

I am from an old creaky house

Too loud to sneak out of

Every floorboard creaks and groans

Even for the cat

I am from school

RFMS they called it

I am from the stage

Playing music and acting after class

1. my house- for obvious reasons this played a role in my “upbringing and identity.”  Its where I lived and spent most of my time.
2. Sean’s house- Sean was my best friend.  We’d spent a lot of time in his basement playing computer games.  We would play lacrosse outside and use his swimming pool.  We used to camp out in his backyard.  I would go trick or treating in his neighborhood.
3. Steve’s house- another one of my best friends.  He is probably the most influential on who I am today because he started my passion for music.  We spent a lot of time in his basement.  It was the first time I played bass and hooked up a PA and played drums and all that good stuff.
4. RFMS-  my middle school.  This is where I went to school and hung out with my friends.  I would especially spend a lot of time there during the musicals and lacrosse season. 
5. Clinton fencing club-  there was a period in my life where I spent more time here than at school.  5 days a week for like 5 hours.  I went to the summer camp.  A lot of training.  We had a lot of fun times goofing off outside in the parking lot.  One time over the summer we went to Casey’s house and took a shopping cart she happened to have in her front yard.  It didn’t fit in Glen’s car so we held on to it and went down the highway with a cart rolling beside the car.  Then when we got back to the parking lot we took turns riding in it and the ride usually ended with the cart hitting the curb and throwing us out.
6. Shoprite-  I used to work here.  It ruined my life.  My boss put me on the schedule for 50 hours and I was only 16.  That’s illegal.  When I talked to him about it he refused to change my schedule.  He only changed my schedule after I told him I was 16 and it was illegal to have me on for 50 hours and I would report him.  He was an asshole.

I liked this way of researching better than the traditional way.  I liked having all my research online and linked so if I needed it all I had to do was click a link and go right to my source.  If I was taking notes on books then it would be hard for me to go back to the book and find more information.  With the links I could go right back to the article and get all the information I could out of my sources.  I really liked the blog posts.  It was a good way to get your ideas together and it forced you to write instead of just putting down quotes.  For my final draft I pretty much used all my blog posts and revised my paper and wrote an intro and conclusion.  It took me no more than an hour.  It made writing the paper really easy because all the work was broken up in the course of a week.  The outline is a waste of time.  Since fourth grade we’ve been forced to use outlines.  They’ve never worked and they never will work.  I didn’t get any feedback during the drafting process.  The only feedback I got was from my blog posts.

To the Editor,

           Recently the Senate passed an amendment to the Department of Defense Authorization bill that prevents the Supreme Court to have jurisdiction over any prisoners determined to be “enemy combatants.”  This includes the torture cases of Guantanamo Bay and Abu-Greb.  The victims of these “torture facilities” have no way to obtain justice.  This type of amendment opens the door for all kinds of abuses of power and infringements on human rights.  Our country should stand up for all human rights and this new amendment goes against everything our country stands for.  It is not right for a country that wages war in the name of freedom to imprison and torture its prisoners.  Such an amendment is against the Universal Declaration of Human Rights as well as against the US Constitution that states you have the right to be protected from cruel and unusual punishment.

            This controversy over torture brings up a very important question.  What is torture?  The President George W. Bush adamantly states, “We don’t do torture.”  Unfortunately he never tells the country what torture is, or maybe he is just lying.  Remember he did turn to the Dark Side.  According to a 2002 Justice Department memo torture was defined as “Intentionally causing permanent damage to vital organs or permanent emotional trauma.”  Maybe this is why our government tells interrogators that they may do anything short of causing organ failure, but what about the emotional torture?  I am not saying that I feel sorry for a terrorist, but I also do not think we should not stoop to their level.  There is a technique called waterboarding where they blindfold the victim, put a towel over their face, and pour water on them.  This gives the victim the feeling of drowning.  A mock execution if you will.  If this is not emotional trauma, then I don’t know what is.

            If we allow "enemy combatants" to be tortured then in later years maybe we will accept that people who know enemy combatants can be tortured to find out information.  Still later we might decide it's ok to torture the innocent families of "enemy combatants."  And if we find that we can get information out of people by torturing them then maybe the government will pass more laws saying that domestic criminals can be tortured.  Before we know it it'll be legal to torture anyone for information.  Governments once used torture as a method to gain information.  There is a reason we don't do it anymore, so why bring back the dark ages now?

Sincerly,
    Josh

         

According to Newsweek magazine “President George W. Bush in effect attacked the administration's critics as unpatriotic” (Hirsh “Debate”).  There is absolutely nothing unpatriotic about having concern for your country’s integrity and reputation, and people certainly shouldn’t be criticized for being concerned about people’s rights and safety even if they are prisoners of the United States.  It seems that the Bush administration is not taking this topic of torture very seriously and they would rather continuing doing what they want without consequence.  After the 9/11 attack Vice President Dick Cheney told the nation, "We have to work... the dark side, if you will" (Hirsh “Debate”).  When did our country’s safety against terrorist attacks turn into a Star Wars movie?  If we are working the dark side, then that makes Bush Emperor Pelpatine and Cheney Darth Vader.  In fact if we continue to allow torture to happen, then this is the image we give the world.  In the face of terrorism many people are willing to do anything to save American lives, but how far can we go, and how many other people must die to save each American life?  Something must be done about terrorism but “torture is un-American, not to mention illegal under <?xml:namespace prefix = st1 ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags" /><st1:country-region w:st="on"><st1:place w:st="on">U.S.</st1:place></st1:country-region> law and international treaties” (Whitelaw).  The criticism of the Bush administration is far from un-patriotic.  In fact to be concerned about your country participating in un-American and illegal acts that contradict everything the country stands for is more patriotic than a government that lets it happen.

            The Honorable President George W. Bush adamantly states, “We don’t do torture” (Conniff).  Unfortunately he never tells the country what torture is, or maybe he is just lying.  Remember he did turn to the Dark Side.  According to a 2002 Justice Department memo torture was defined as “Intentionally causing permanent damage to vital organs or permanent emotional trauma” (“Torture”).  Maybe this is why our government tells interrogators that they may do anything short of causing organ failure, but what about the emotional torture?  I am not saying that I feel sorry for a terrorist, but I also do not think we should not stoop to their level.  There is a technique called waterboarding where they blindfold the victim, put a towel over their face, and pour water on them.  This gives the victim the feeling of drowning.  A mock execution if you will (McCain). 

            Senator John McCain knows torture.  He was a POW in <st1:country-region w:st="on"><st1:place w:st="on">Vietnam</st1:place></st1:country-region> for many years and was subjected to horrible torture techniques.  In McCain’s article, “Torture’s Terrible Toll” for Newsweek magazine he says, “The memory of an execution will haunt someone for a very long time and damage his or her psyche in ways that may never heal. In my view, to make someone believe that you are killing him by drowning is no different than holding a pistol to his head and firing a blank. I believe that it is torture, very exquisite torture” (McCain).  What is torture?  This is the main question in this debate over the morality of using torture in the war against terror.  Torture is a technique used by the terrorists themselves.  By using torture of any kind, either emotional or physical, it brings us down to their level.  It brings us to the Dark Side.  We make ourselves terrorists as well.

            After congressman Jack Kingston came back from visiting Iraq he said, "[The troops] feel that the McCain amendment is not an accurate portrayal of anything that is going on and they are really strongly against it and someway insulted by it" (Limbacher).  The McCain amendment was proposed in response to the Graham amendment that left loopholes for the government to torture its prisoners.  It is not saying that our soldiers torture Iraqi prisoners, but it is preventing it from ever occurring.  Even though most soldiers are innocent of torture, there is still torture going on and the McCain amendment is there to stop it.  Army Capt Ian Fishback expressed his concern about torture and the ill-treatment of prisoners in <st1:country-region w:st="on"><st1:place w:st="on">Iraq</st1:place></st1:country-region>, and publicly took a stand saying that Donald Rumsfeld lied to Congress and the Pentagon was not honest about the interrogation procedures being used in prisons.  Army specialist Anthony Lagouranis agrees with Fishback's statement that there is torture going on in <st1:country-region w:st="on"><st1:place w:st="on">Iraq</st1:place></st1:country-region>.  Lagouranis says that there were systematic abuses that were authorized by officers to get information from prisoners.  "There were freaking horrible things people were doing. I saw [detainees] who had feet smashed with hammers. One detainee told me he had been forced by Marines to sit on an exhaust pipe, and he had a softball-sized blister to prove it" (Hirsh “Truth”). 

The McCain amendment is not an attack on the US Army and should not be viewed as one.  If our country allows torture, then we are defeating our entire purpose for being in <st1:country-region w:st="on"><st1:place w:st="on">Iraq</st1:place></st1:country-region>.  We stand for freedom and justice, not torture and prisoners being held incommunicado.

Torture is prohibited under the Geneva Convention.  However there are a few exceptions.  If an enemy combatant is deemed an unlawful combatant, breaks the rules of war such as using weapons of mass destruction or attacking civilians, then they are not protected by the Geneva Convention.  According to Geneva Convention III article 5 “if there is a question of whether the combatant is an unlawful combatant, they must be treated as POW's "until their status has been determined by a competent tribunal" (“Torture”).  That means until we can determine that they are in fact terrorists that have already broken the laws of war we can’t torture them.  Apparently Darth Cheney and Emperor Bush missed this memo, or maybe they just aren’t a “competent tribunal.”  Yeah that’s it.  There are many cases of innocent people being held without charge.  According to the ACLU a man was kidnapped from his country and is being held in a secret prison.  “The man is innocent, the ACLU said, and was held without notice for an undisclosed time before being released without ever being charged of a crime” (Baltimore).  This man along with others is being denied his right to a fair trial by jury.  These same people are being subject to torture and other prison abuses.  If they never had a trial then they were never found to be unlawful combatants and therefore they have protection under the Geneva Conventions.

Another big question in the debate over torture is does it even work?  Does it happen like it does in a spy movie where the prisoner quickly breaks down and gives the interrogators all the information they need?  All clues point in the direction of, no.  Torture simply doesn’t work.  After talking with intelligence officers, David Lubin published an article explaining that intelligence gathering is more like a puzzle and the officers are fishing for the pieces.  The intelligence officers told Luban, “Torture [is] employed on a fishing expedition for morsels of information that might prove useful but usually don't” (Lubin).  This means that not only is torture immoral and illegal, but also not useful in the “War Against Terror.”  Why is the Bush administration fighting the McCain amendment when it doesn’t even help our cause?

Subjected to torture in the Vietnam War, McCain confessed in his Newsweek article that he himself broke his silence when his captors threatened torture.  Of course he lied like a dog.  McCain wrote down memory in his article about being coerced into giving his captors the names and serial numbers of everyone in his squadron.  McCain said, “I did not refuse, or repeat my insistence that I was required under the Geneva Conventions to provide my captors only with my name, rank and serial number. Instead, I gave them the names of the Green Bay Packers' offensive line, knowing that providing them false information was sufficient to suspend the abuse” (McCain).  Wouldn’t you make up anything to say to get out of being tortured?  Torture is not a reliable method in gathering intelligence.

 

How Far Can We Go

Security: Today and in the Future

 

In today’s world an increasing theme is security.  The days where you could ride your bike down the road to get a handful of candy from the corner store are gone and are replaced with security checks and policemen.  What is it all about?  Terrorism, both international and domestic, homicide, and bombings are becoming everyday occurrences.  Security is a must, especially in crowded areas like airports and bus terminals, but can we take it too far?  Security is not free and we pay for it with our own rights and freedoms.  Can we go too far?  Yes we can.

            After the London bus bombings the police department of New York and New Jersey are making an effort to search bags at subways and bus terminals.  This is one freedom that people must give up for security.  Some people have a problem with it and officials said, “During the weekend […] at least one person had refused a search and left,” but other people like knowing that they will be traveling safely.  Eve Holbrook submitted to a search without even being asked.  She said, "It gives me a sense of comfort.  I went up there of my own free will."  I agree with these searches.  Although you might feel that it violates your fourth amendment rights, you are not being forced to submit to a search.  If you do not want to be searched then you can either walk or drive.  A little inconvenience like having your bags searched when you travel in public transportation is a small price to pay for being safe and secure.  Like everything else, too much of a good thing can be a very bad thing.

            In Aldous Huxley’s Brave New World society goes to the extreme to stay stable.  The manufacturing of humans customizes the population.  People are conditioned to fit their future jobs in a twisted communist-like government.  A caste system separates those that have the limited ability to think and the masses of lower caste twins that mindlessly perform manual labor.  The idea is that if you can not think you will be happy.  Ignorance is bliss.  The society was kept stable because no one questioned their place because they didn’t know any other type of life.  It all sounds nice.  No war, no sorrow, but how can you be happy if you do not even know how to think?  All you know is working like a mindless drone so you can get your soma rations for the week.  What did these people give up for security?  All of their freedom.  They gave up their freedom to think, their freedom to express themselves, and their freedom to better themselves. 

              For the past three years American citizens have been giving up their freedom in the name of security and did not even know about it.  President Bush has authorized the National Security Agency to eavesdrop on American citizens' phone calls.  Normally the agency would be required to obtain a warrant from a court of law, but now they can listen in on any international call.  “As a result, some officials familiar with the continuing operation have questioned whether the surveillance has stretched, if not crossed, constitutional limits on legal searches.”  Is this going too far?  I think it is.  An innocent citizen with relatives living in Iraq can not call their family without the risk of the NSA listening to their call.  The price for security is a steep price.  It is not right for an NSA agent to walk in and sit on your couch, so why should it be right for them to sit in on your phone calls? 

Real life security measures are becoming very real nightmares.  In the movie “Gattaca” there is technology to test a persons DNA as if you were reading their name off of a sheet of paper.  This could be a wonderful piece of technology, but on the other hand could create a huge security gauntlet.  Who wants to go to work every morning to pee in a cup so your boss can see if it is really you?  Or what about the two hour traffic jam when cops are pulling everyone over for hair samples to look for a criminal.  How far can we go?  Who has the right to see your DNA code?  A lot of things could go wrong with this technology too.  For the better part of the movie the police chased the wrong person because they chose the wrong hair to take a DNA sample from. 

How far is too far?  Searching a bag on a plane or bus is a reasonable search, but remember to leave your handgun at home.  If you do not want to be searched then you can find another way to get to your destination, but government agencies listening to American phone calls is too far.  If I want to call my family in Iraq because I am concerned about their safety, I should not have to worry about anyone listening in on our private conversation.  Yes, if I am calling a known terrorist that would be different, but not every person in Iraq is a terrorist, and Mr. Bush needs to realize that.  Fight the Dark Side.  May the Force be with you.

"We will have an elite society of people that have desired traits and the people that don’t have those traits will start to wish they actually had been aborted." - great comment! I'd like to hear more about this. What should we do about it? Should we not allow pregnant woman to know more and more information about the health and potential fate of their children? Where do we draw the line in as a society in how far we let individuals alter what nature has dealt them? What implications might this have?

I think I take for granted the fact that everyone knows the answer to this situation.  You simply don't do it.  I think if you know that your child is going to be severely retarded to the point where his or her quality of life will be effected, then abortion might be the right option.  But how far do we go?  Another simple answer.  If you were fat or short or had some other minor physical defect, would you want someone to take your life?  Abortion for the reasons of weight and height are wrong because people that are over weight or short can live perfectly normal lives. 

Society as we know it will come to an end and a new era will begin. A world of perfection, discrimination, and segregation will emerge and become the new norm. With today’s technology scientists can determine the DNA sequence of a fetus. With that information we can see if a child will grow up having a disorder or maybe be a little overweight. During a survey several people were asked if they "would abort a fetus destined to grow into a "grossly overweight" child. Forty percent of French patients said they would." What a wonderful thing. I am sure if I found out my child wouldn’t be thin and have blonde hair and blue eyes I would immediately abort that unworthy creature. Hitler would be proud of us. There are products on the market for short people that will cause them to grow several more inches. With this new medicine "we will start to treat the normal as a disease." If we are able to pick and choose which babies can be born and which are not fit for society because they aren’t good looking we will start to create a horrible society. Not only is it discrimination to abort a fetus based on its height or weight, but if we continue this discrimination will get worse. We will have an elite society of people that have desired traits and the people that don’t have those traits will start to wish they actually had been aborted.

Recently scientists have been attempting to bring back to life a horrible flu epidemic that caused more deaths than WWI. Well they’ve succeeded, and we should be anticipating the end of the world in the next ten years. This is a huge advancement for science, but why make a potential biological weapon of mass destruction? It only takes one bug to infect a person. Then it multiplies. In the span of a few months millions of people could die. Bacteriologist Richard Ebright warns "there is a significant risk ‘verging on inevitability’ of accidental release into the human population." If terrorists are determined enough to steal nuclear materials to build bombs, don’t you think they’d be willing to get their hands on the deadly virus? "We have quite literally brought back to life an agent of near-biblical destruction." If this virus ever got out it could possibly destroy civilization as we know it. It was really great thinking to bring Armageddon back to life. I’d like to shake the hand of the person responsible.

I.  Intro

 A.   Accusations of torture

B.  Graham amendment to defense authorization bill

C.  McCain amendment.

D.  Thesis Statement- Torture is unacceptable, illegal, immoral, and our administration lets it happen.

II.                  The Problems with torture

A.     What is torture?

1.      According to a 2002 Justice Department memo torture was defined as “Intentionally causing permanent damage to vital organs or permanent emotional trauma.”

2.      There is a technique called waterboarding where they blindfold the victim, put a towel over their face, and pour water on them.

3.  “The memory of an execution will haunt someone for a very long time and damage his or her psyche in ways that may never heal. In my view, to make someone believe that you are killing him by drowning is no different than holding a pistol to his head and firing a blank. I believe that it is torture, very exquisite torture.” --- Sen. John McCain.

B.  Is there Torture?

1.  After congressman Jack Kingston came back from visiting Iraq he said, "[The troops] feel that the McCain amendment is not an accurate portrayal of anything that is going on and they are really strongly against it and someway insulted by it."

2.  Army Capt Ian Fishback expressed his concern about torture and the ill-treatment of prisoners in Iraq, and publicly took a stand saying that Donald Rumsfeld lied to Congress and the Pentagon was not honest about the interrogation procedures being used in prisons.

3.  Army specialist Anthony Lagouranis --- "There were freaking horrible things people were doing. I saw [detainees] who had feet smashed with hammers. One detainee told me he had been forced by Marines to sit on an exhaust pipe, and he had a softball-sized blister to prove it."

4.  McCain amendment is to prevent abuses from taking place, not an attack on the military.

            C.  Isn't torture illegal?

                        1.  Yes, but the Bush administration doesn’t give a crap.

2.  Geneva- If an enemy combatant is deemed an unlawful combatant, breaks the rules of war such as using weapons of mass destruction or attacking civilians, then they are not protected by the Geneva Convention.

a.  According to Geneva Convention III article 5 “if there is a question of whether the combatant is an unlawful combatant, they must be treated as POW's "until their status has been determined by a competent tribunal."

b.  According to the ACLU a man was kidnapped from his country and is being held in a secret prison.  “The man is innocent, the ACLU said, and was held without notice for an undisclosed time before being released without ever being charged of a crime.”

D.  Cheney brings patriots to the "dark side," while Bush criticizes the real patriots.

1.  There is absolutely nothing unpatriotic about having concern for your country’s integrity and reputation, and people certainly shouldn’t be criticized for being concerned about people’s rights and safety even if they are prisoners of the United States.

2.  After the 9/11 attack Vice President Dick Cheney told the nation, "We have to work... the dark side, if you will."

3.  Something must be done about terrorism but “torture is un-American, not to mention illegal under U.S. law and international treaties.”

            E.  does torture work?

1.  The intelligence officers told Luban, “Torture [is] employed on a fishing expedition for morsels of information that might prove useful but usually don't.”

2.  Why is the Bush administration fighting the McCain amendment when toture doesn’t even help our cause?

            a. Power hungry

                                    b. Evil

    3.  McCain tells story about when he was tortured in Vietnam--McCain said, “I did not refuse, or repeat my  insistence that I was required under the Geneva Conventions to provide my captors only with my name, rank and serial number. Instead, I gave them the names of the Green Bay Packers' offensive line, knowing that providing them false information was sufficient to suspend the abuse.”
III. Conclusion
<>A.     Torture is immoral.
B.  Torture is illegal.
</>C.    Torture has to be stopped.
D.     Torture doesn’t work.
E.      The Bush administration has to pass the McCain amendment.

 

<>Another big question in the debate over torture is does it even work?  Does it happen like it does in a spy movie where the prisoner quickly breaks down and gives the interrogators all the information they need?  All clues point in the direction of, no.  Torture simply doesn’t work.  After talking with Intelligence officers David Luban published an article explaining that intelligence gathering is more like a puzzle and the officers are fishing for the pieces.  The intelligence officers told Luban, “Torture [is] employed on a fishing expedition for morsels of information that might prove useful but usually don't.”  This means that not only is torture immoral and illegal, but also not useful in the “War Against Terror.”  Why is the Bush administration fighting the McCain amendment when it doesn’t even help our cause?

Subjected to torture in the Vietnam War, McCain confessed in his Newsweek article that he himself broke his silence when his captors threatened torture.  Of course he lied like a dog.  McCain wrote down memory in his article about being coerced into giving his captors the names and serial numbers of everyone in his squadron.  McCain said, “I did not refuse, or repeat my insistence that I was required under the Geneva Conventions to provide my captors only with my name, rank and serial number. Instead, I gave them the names of the Green Bay Packers' offensive line, knowing that providing them false information was sufficient to suspend the abuse.”  Wouldn’t you make up anything to say to get out of being tortured?  Torture is not a reliable method in gathering intelligence.</>

Torture is prohibited under the Geneva Convention.  However there are a few exceptions.  If an enemy combatant is deemed an unlawful combatant, breaks the rules of war such as using weapons of mass destruction or attacking civilians, then they are not protected by the Geneva Convention.  According to Geneva Convention III article 5 “if there is a question of whether the combatant is an unlawful combatant, they must be treated as POW's "until their status has been determined by a competent tribunal."  That means until we can determine that they are in fact terrorists that have already broken the laws of war we can’t torture them.  Apparently Darth Cheney and Emperor Bush missed this memo, or maybe they just aren’t a “competent tribunal.”  Yeah that’s it.  There are many cases of innocent people being held without charge.  According to the ACLU a man was kidnapped from his country and is being held in a secret prison.  “The man is innocent, the ACLU said, and was held without notice for an undisclosed time before being released without ever being charged of a crime.”   This man along with others are being denied their right to a fair trial by jury.  These same people are being subject to torture and other prison abuses.  If they never had a trial then they were never found to be unlawful combatants and therefore they have protection under the Geneva Conventions.

The Honorable President George W. Bush adamantly states, “We don’t do torture.”  Unfortunately he never tells the country what torture is, or maybe he is just lying.  Remember he did turn to the Dark Side.  According to a 2002 Justice Department memo torture was defined as “Intentionally causing permanent damage to vital organs or permanent emotional trauma.”  Maybe this is why our government tells interrogators that they may do anything short of causing organ failure, but what about the emotional torture?  I am not saying that I feel sorry for a terrorist, but I also do not think we should not stoop to their level.  There is a technique called waterboarding where they blindfold the victim, put a towel over their face, and pour water on them.  This gives the victim the feeling of drowning.  A mock execution if you will. 

Senator John McCain knows torture.  He was a POW in Vietnam for many years and was subjected to horrible torture techniques.  In McCain’s article, “Torture’s Terrible Toll” for Newsweek, magazine he says, “The memory of an execution will haunt someone for a very long time and damage his or her psyche in ways that may never heal. In my view, to make someone believe that you are killing him by drowning is no different than holding a pistol to his head and firing a blank. I believe that it is torture, very exquisite torture.”  What is torture?  This is the main question in this debate over the morality of using torture in the war against terror.  Torture is a technique used by the terrorists themselves.  By using torture of any kind, either emotional or physical,  it brings us down to their level.  It brings us to the Dark Side.  We make ourselves terrorists as well.

According to Newsweek magazine “President George W. Bush in effect attacked the administration's critics as unpatriotic.”  There is absolutely nothing unpatriotic about having concern for your country’s integrity and reputation, and people certainly shouldn’t be criticized for being concerned about people’s rights and safety even if they are prisoners of the United States.  It seems that the Bush administration is not taking this topic of torture very seriously and they would rather continuing doing what they want without consequence.  After the 9/11 attack Vice President Dick Cheney told the nation, "We have to work... the dark side, if you will."  When did our country’s safety against terrorist attacks turn into a Star Wars movie?  If we are working the dark side, then that makes Bush Emperor Pelpatine and Cheney Darth Vader.  In fact if we continue to allow torture to happen, then this is the image we give the world.  In the face of terrorism many people are willing to do anything to save American lives, but how far can we go, and how many other people must die to save each American life?  Something must be done about terrorism but “torture is un-American, not to mention illegal under U.S. law and international treaties.”  The criticism of the Bush administration is far from un-patriotic.  In fact to be concerned about your country participating in un-American and illegal acts that contradict everything the country stands for is more patriotic than a government that lets it happen.

After congressman Jack Kingston came back from visiting Iraq he said, "[The troops] feel that the McCain amendment is not an accurate portrayal of anything that is going on and they are really strongly against it and someway insulted by it."  The McCain amendment was proposed in response to the Graham amendment that left loopholes for the government to torture its prisoners.  It is not saying that our soldiers torture Iraqi prisoners, but it is preventing it from ever occurring.  Even though most soldiers are innocent of torture, there is still torture going on and the McCain amendment is there to stop it.  Army Capt Ian Fishback expressed his concern about torture and the ill-treatment of prisoners in Iraq, and publicly took a stand saying that Donald Rumsfeld lied to Congress and the Pentagon was not honest about the interrogation procedures being used in prisons.  Army specialist Anthony Lagouranis agrees with Fishback's statement that there is torture going on in Iraq.  Lagouranis says that there were systematic abuses that were authorized by officers to get information from prisoners.  "There were freaking horrible things people were doing. I saw [detainees] who had feet smashed with hammers. One detainee told me he had been forced by Marines to sit on an exhaust pipe, and he had a softball-sized blister to prove it." 

The McCain amendment is not an attack on the US Army and should not be viewed as one.  If our country allows torture, then we are defeating our entire purpose for being in Iraq.  We stand for freedom and justice, not torture and prisoners being held incommunicado.

In New York, It’s Open bags, or Find Exits

 http://www.nytimes.com/learning/teachers/featured_articles/20050725monday.html

 

            After the bombings in London the police department is making an effort to search bags at subways and bus terminals.  This is one freedom that people must give up for security.  Some people have a problem with it and officials said, “during the weekend […] at least one person had refused a search and left,” but other people like this comfort that they will be traveling safely.  Eve Holbrook submitted to a search without even being asked.  She said, "It gives me a sense of comfort," she said. "I went up there of my own free will."  I agree with these searches.  Although you might feel that it violates your fourth amendment rights, you are not being forced to submit to a search.  I believe that a little inconvenience like having your bags searched when you travel in public transportation is a small price to pay for being safe and secure.  There are limits though.  I don’t believe they had the right to write down that man’s personal information.  There was no need to because he was not found to have a bomb or anything that would endanger the passengers.

The ammendment passed on the Defense Authorization bill that prohibits the U.S. federal courts jurisdiction over anyone considered an enemy combatant.  This gives the government the ability to treat prisoners in anyway they wish including torture.  A solution to this problem is to vote for another ammendment that would abolish the ammendment or at least put restrictions on it so people can't be tortured.

Torture is unacceptable.  It goes against everything our country stands for.  If we allow torture and other horrible acts for some things it can easily find its way into other laws.  Down the road the government might be able to torture innocent relatives of terrorists instead of just the terrorists.  Maybe even farther down the road torture could be used on common everyday criminals.  This bill also takes away checks and balances that were placed in our government for a reason.  An arguement against this solution is that many people believe that torture will be a good way to get information out of people.  They say who cares about other people it's for the good of our country and you should be happy that the government is trying to protect you.  If my neighbor's dog is a vicious pitbull I want protection against it.  That doesn't mean I'm going to torture it.

What does the ammendment actually say?

Who passed it?

In what way is it ment to be used?

In what ways can it be abused?

Who is affected by it?

Who is an enemy combatant?

What are some restrictions?

How is it good in some ways?

How could you get the same results through different means?

How to change the bill?

To the Editor,

 

            Recently the Senate passed an amendment to the Department of Defense Authorization bill that prevents the Supreme Court to have jurisdiction over any prisoners determined to be “enemy combatants.”  This includes the torture cases of Guantanamo Bay and Abu-Greb.  The victims of these “torture facilities” have no way to obtain justice.  This type of amendment opens the door for all kinds of abuses of power and infringements on human rights.  Our country should stand up for all human rights and this new amendment goes against everything our country stands for.  It is not right for a country that wages war in the name of freedom to imprison and torture its prisoners.  Such an amendment is against the Universal Declaration of Human Rights as well as against the US Constitution that states you have the right to be protected from cruel and unusual punishment.
    If we allow "enemy combatants" to be tortured then in later years maybe we will accept that people who know enemy combatants can be tortured to find out information.  Still later we might decide it's ok to torture the innocent families of "enemy combatants."  And if we find that we can get information out of people by torturing them then maybe the government will pass more laws saying that domestic criminals can be tortured.  Before we know it it'll be legal to torture anyone for information.  Governments once used torture as a method to gain information.  There is a reason we don't do it anymore, so why bring back the dark ages now?

Sincerly,
    Josh

I chose my scene instead of my namepiece because frankly I hated my namepiece.  I chose to not change anything in my piece.  Colleen read my piece and told me that she loved it and didn't think I should change anything.  She said she especially liked the part about the "angry, yelling Korean."  After reading many of Colleen's writings I've come to respect her opinions on these things.  Mr. McHale suggested that I cut down on the scene in the car and in line and concentrate on the poolhall scene.  I thought about this, but the assignment was to write about a memory so I wrote about the whole memory and not just a part of it.  So I kept those parts in.  Plus there wasn't much more to write about the poolhall scene.  Mr. McHale also suggested that I write more about my relationship with Joe and music.  I thought about this too.  I think that the fact that I was writing about going to a concert ties music into my writing.  My last line about Joe being at my side as we went into the show shows our friendship.  I think that that relationship is something the reader has to think about.

<>It was a rainy day before Christmas Eve when Joe, Hadi, Kevin, Matt, and I piled into my dad’s black pickup truck to drive an hour to Bloomfield Ave.  It Dies Today was playing through the truck’s speakers as my friends horsed around in the back seat.  We were on our way to see It Dies Today play at the Bloomfield Ave Café & Stage, which actually isn’t a café at all.  It should be called Bloomfield Ave Just Stage.  It was still raining when we got there, and we all got out of my dad’s truck and gathered on the sidewalk.  It was around 5:00 and the show didn’t start till 6:00.  I wanted to be extra early because I figured there would be a long line to buy tickets at the door.  I was disappointed to see that there was absolutely no one there as Kevin complained about why we went so early.  Kevin likes to complain.  I looked at him, with his goofy smile and funny looking goatee and thought why he was even here.  He doesn’t even like hardcore.  I just ignored his complaining and told him he could go home if he wanted.
       Well at this point it was pouring and we were tired of standing in the rain, so we went to go find a place to eat.  We walked up the block a bit and saw a sign for a sandwich joint across the street.  I don’t remember the name of the place, but it should have been “Godly Sandwich” because that’s how good they were.  After filling ourselves with the best sandwiches on earth we made our way back to Bloomfield Ave Café & Stage.  Still raining.  It was 5:15 and tickets weren’t even going on sale yet.  We walked into the little stairwell of the duplex.  The door for the show was on the right and in front of us were stairs that went upstairs.  I didn’t know where the stairs lead so I went to turn the doorknob.  I didn’t get very far because the door was locked.  Then Joe suggested that we go upstairs to the pool hall.  Joe saw that I was surprised at this information and said, “You didn’t know there was a pool hall above Bloomfield?” as if everyone in world knew that.  I had only met Joe three years ago in freshman humanities, but we had become extremely close friends.  </>

We all ran upstairs into a big room with a green carpet.  There were at least 12 pool tables in the room and all the cue sticks and balls were behind the counter.  There was also a Korean man standing behind the counter.  He didn’t seem happy to see us.  We started walking around the room checking the place out.  We all took turns using the bathroom and I guess we overstayed our welcome because the man started screaming at us in Korean.  We all looked at each other not knowing what to do, until Joe walked up to the man and gave him a twenty for some cue sticks and pool balls.  Nothing ever seems to faze Joe, even a yelling, angry Korean.  Apparently he was telling us that if we wanted to stay we needed to play a game, because he stopped yelling after that.  We picked a table in the corner by a huge window so we could watch for any lines that might form at the door below.  Joe and Kevin started playing a game.  It was clear that Joe had superior pool skills than Kevin, as he knocked three of his balls in on his first turn.  I turned my attention from Kevin losing horribly to the window.  It was getting dark and the streetlights were on outside.  I could still see rain falling in the pools of light the streetlights cast on the sidewalk.  I watched out the window for a couple minutes, until I saw a truck pull onto a side road next to the building.  It was pulling a trailer with big red letters: IDT.  I turned around and announced to everyone that It Dies Today just got here and I was going to go down and wait for the doors to open.  I didn’t have to ask Joe twice.  He was next to me as we ran down the stairs to go see It Dies Today.

You have some good description in your scene, but you are doing too much telling.  You need to show you and your friends interacting through dialogue and description.  Think about what you want to accomplish through this scene.  Are you trying to show the relationship you and Joe develop throuogh music?  What will you write about in your reflection?  How can you best illustrate this through action, dialogue and description?

You might want to focus your scene on the pool hall and cut down on the drive to the club and the waiting in line, but again you need to think about what you are trying to get across through the scene.

Try working on this and e-mail your revisions to me.

 

I chose this object because music is very important in my life.  it can help you through hard times and cheer you up when you're down.  this object can represent my friend joe because we share in our passion of music. 

i dont have a photo but i have an object.  i brought in my mp3 player because music is such an important part of my life.  my mp3 player really represents my life in one little box.  because music has a place in every part of my life it is easy for me to write stories about music.  about playing music, listening to music, or going to shows.  there is one vivid story about music that stands out in my mind.  it isnt a really positive story but maybe in the end it had a positive impact on me.  me and my friends, joe, hadi, matt, and kevin, went to a show at bloomfield ave cafe.  we went to see it dies today.  we got there and it was like any other show.  people everywhere just hanging out waiting for the show to start.  about two sets in is when things started getting crazy.  normally at shows, especially hardcore shows like this one, there is moshing and flaling of arms and falling down, and the cuts scrapes and bruises associated with it.  but normally when you fall down your picked up by a complete stranger who makes sure youre ok.  we were in a different crowd.  it was the FSU crowd.  a little background on the FSU.  they originated in boston as a crew (group of friends) that went to hardcore and punk shows.  over the years they evolved into a gangtype group that goes to shows to cause violence and destruction.  well we didnt know this.  in fact we thought they were the peacekeepers (concert security) because they were built like pro wrestlers like peacekeepers generally are.  we realized our mistake when we watched a 30 year old man break a 15 year old girls nose.

list of stories and events

met in freshman humanities

had similar interests in music

slacked off together

became good friends

always there for each other

go to shows with him

the show at bloomfield ave when i was knocked unconcious, joe was kicked in the head, hadi thrown through a door, matt took on two kids, and kevin just whined.

driving to tcnj with joe to see chris's guittar teacher's classical recital and going in the exit and walking around the campus while chris and kaela got lost on their way there

going to skate and surf with him and being the first people to open every pit

watching eurotrip 5 times in one night

playing in a band with him and the many practices

trying to talk music with him while he tries to talk binary code with me

sitting in the back corner of honors bio listening to music through joes speakers because mr couch knew we werent paying attention anyway

 

Jamal walked through the door bouncing a basketball off the kitchen floor.  At the stove his mother was cooking breakfast.  She was wearing a red blouse.  He bumped into his mom, imagining her as his opponent as he made his dodge.

            “Jamal would you stop bouncin’ that damn ball in the house.  I got Michael Jordan’s name written in dirt all over my floor.”  Jamal’s mother, wearing a bright red blouse, was trying to cook up breakfast in a frying pan, but the thought of dirt on her floor made it nearly impossible for her to concentrate on her cooking.

            “Don’t worry Ma I’ll clean it up.”  There was an obvious tone in Jamal’s voice that said, “No Ma, I won’t clean it up, but if you think I will then you’ll shut up.”  Jamal’s mother sensed this tone.

            “I’ve got a better chance of Michael Jordan cleaning it.”  Jamal walked through the kitchen holding his ball under one arm.  With his free hand he casually grabbed an apple off of the kitchen counter and turned left into the family room to get his jacket.  “Hey if you’re thinkin’ about a shower, the hot water is taking a few minutes.”

            Jamal grabbed his jacket and replied, “I wasn’t thinkin’ it.”  Jamal rarely took showers before he left the house, because he never had time in the morning

            "Hey, hey.  Where's your pack."

            "Don't know."

            "You don't know?"  She put her hands on her hips.  "What do you mean you don't know?"

Jamal:

comes through door bouncing basketball, short tone, light blue long sleeved sweater with red stripe, swaggers (throws weight around), bumps into mom as he does a basketball move/dodge, picks up dark colored jacket from a chair as mother tells him that the hot water isnt hot yet, responds saying he wasnt thinkin it,

Mom:

upset at dirt basketball causes, cooking, doubts he will clean it up, cracks a joke about Micheal Jordan, comes to doorway when he gets jacket to tell him about the hot water, frying something, wearing red blouse, look of disbelief as he says he doesn't know where his pack is.

Setting:

Kitchen, hallway to front door, cramped, horseshoe hanging on door

Dialogue:

jamal would you stop bouncin that damn ball in house.  i got micheal jordans name written in dirt all over myfloor.

dont worry ma ill clean it up

ive got a better chance of micheal jordan cleaning it.  hey if your thinking about a shower the hot water is taking a few minutes.

i wasn't thinkin it

hey hey hey.  wheres your pack?

i dunno

dont know?  What do you mean you dont know

 

As mentioned we were impressed with the range, creativity, and quality of your name pieces.  To wrap this up, please create a post on your weblog (title it "name piece wrap up") that accomplishes the following:  

• Create a list of all of the themes, issues or topics that were touched on in these pieces (other than the meaning or derivation of a name).

Adjectives that are associated with a person (ie Marc=lazy)

nicknames through school

misspelling of names

pudding

Person makes the name the name doesn't make the person

writing name pieces is sadistic

 

• Choose one specific scene that you found particularly vivid (choose someone that is not in your writers group).  Create a hyperlink to the post and discuss which elements of the scene made it stand out. 

I liked Derek's scene when his grandfather was talking to him about his name.  He uses a lot of description to create a picture of very serious old man that takes his ministry and his family name very seriously.  As he was describing this scene I couldn't help but think about how it sounded like Derek was being initiated into a huge family secret, like he was responsible for upholding the Brubaker name or the world would come to an end.  Derek did a great job illustrating the whole scene.  I like how he kept saying what his grandfather was doing with his hands, whether or not they were in his lap or on the desk or if he folded them.  It made you really see what was going on instead of just getting the dialouge.

Discuss the feedback you received on your name piece from your writers group and teacher by creating a post on your weblog entitled "Namepiece Feedback."  What did they think the strengths of your piece were?  What did they want to hear more of?  What suggestions did they make for improvement?  Based on this feedback, what changes do you plan on making? 

 

 

Colleen says she likes my voice throughout the piece.  Both Colleen and Mr. Mchale thought I needed more description in my scenes.  They suggested that I add more description to my scenes.  Mr. Mchale suggested I add to the scene at the restaurant.  I plan on adding some more description to my scenes and maybe adding another descriptive scene.

This writing piece is about a name.  It’s about my name, which if you didn’t know is Josh. 

<o:p> </o:p>

We walk into Applebee's to make a reservation.  "Josh go give them our name," my mom says to me.<o:p></o:p>

"Ok," I reply.  So I walk up to the counter and say "Table for three please."<o:p></o:p>

"Could I have your name?"<o:p></o:p>

"Hall"<o:p></o:p>

"How do you spell that Sir?"  Now honestly a first grader can spell the word Hall.<o:p></o:p>

"Well it's spelled just like the word hall."  Maybe I shouldn't have been a smart ass but I said it anyway.<o:p></o:p>

"I'm sorry sir, but how do you spell that?"

<o:p> </o:p>

When I think about my name I think about all the people that can’t seem to spell it.  We’ll go out to dinner or go somewhere where we have to give our name.  You wouldn’t believe how many people can’t spell the word hall.  Seriously its only four letters.  My name is a very boring name.  It’s not interesting like a name like DePinto or Klowaski.  My name isn’t even fun to make fun of.  It gets boring calling me Hallway all the time.

<o:p> </o:p>

I don't feel that names say anything about you.  Names to me are only a way to tell people apart when you’re talking to someone or about someone.  A name doesn’t dictate who you are or what you’re like.  My friend Tom calls me Yoshi, but does that mean I’m green, can fly, and give Mario rides?  No, not really.  I know several different people named Joe and each of them has a different personality and is a different person.  Just because you have one name doesn’t suggest anything about you or who you are.  Under the scenario of changing your name everyday to fit your mood I would keep my name the same.  It would be confusing if everyone changed their name everyday.  You’d walk through the hallway and say, “Hey you.  Are you Excited or Stupid today?”  It would make paying bills complicated when your name and signature changes.  “Excuse me Mr. Alfredo you never paid your telephone bill last month.”  “Yes I did last month my name was Mr. Cheddar.”  I think the idea of names suggesting anything about you and your personality is wrong.

My sister named me.  She was four at the time.  What a concept, letting a four year old girl name someone with a name that they will have for the rest of their lives.  Imagine if your sister named you Lala.  You know like the teletubbie.  Ya, well I was named after a potty training book.  That’s right ladies and gentlemen.  My sister named me after a character in a “How to Sh*t for Dummies” book.  I guess it was payback for me not being a girl.  She wanted a little sister so she could name her Katherine, but that didn’t happen so I got stuck with a name out of a potty training book.<o:p></o:p>

We walk into Applebee's to make a reservation.  "Josh go give them our name," my mom says to me.

"Ok," I reply.  So I walk up to the counter and say "Table for three please."

"Could I have your name?"

"Hall"

"How do you spell that Sir?"  Now honestly a first grader can spell the word Hall.

"Well it's spelled just like the word hall."  Maybe I shouldn't have been a smart ass but I said it anyway.

"I'm sorry sir, but how do you spell that?"

Hall

 

When I think about my name I think about all the idiots that can’t seem to spell it.  We’ll go out to dinner or go somewhere where we have to give our name.  You wouldn’t believe how many people can’t spell the word hall.  Seriously its only four letters.  My name is a very boring name.  It’s not interesting like a name like DePinto or Klowaski.

·  Read the brief article "Spam I Am" and complete the following activity: Create a post (on your weblog) that lists all of the names you have been addressed in your life.  Include greetings, nicknames, pet names, childhood names, e-mail names and spam, IM and chat room names, etc.  Next, write a paragraph or two reflecting on these names.  Which do you like and why?  What do these names suggest about you?  Are there stories connected with any of these names?  Finally, respond to the author's suggestion that "It would be best to have a new name every day, based on our mood and disposition."  What would be some names you might create for yourself under this scenario?

 

Josh, Joshua, Joshy, Babe, Baby, Boo, Hun, Joshua Alan, BodomBass398, Yoshi

 

I don't feel that names say anything about you.  Names to me are only a way to tell people apart when you’re talking to someone or about someone.  A name doesn’t dictate who you are or what you’re like.  My friend Tom calls me Yoshi, but does that mean I’m green, can fly, and give Mario rides?  No, not really.  I know several different people named Joe and each of them has a different personality and is a different person.  Just because you have one name doesn’t suggest anything about you or who you are.  Under the scenario of changing your name everyday to fit your mood I would keep my name the same.  It would be confusing if everyone changed their name everyday.  You’d walk through the hallway and say, “Hey you.  Are you Excited or Stupid today?”  It would make paying bills complicated when your name and signature changes.  “Excuse me Mr. Alfredo you never paid your telephone bill last month.”  “Yes I did last month my name was Mr. Cheddar.”  I think the idea of names suggesting anything about you and your personality is wrong.

I Remember

 

I remember sitting in class and not having any topic to write about for my I remember poem.  Sitting and staring at a white, blank screen with no thoughts to record.  I remember watching everyone else typing away while I still had no ideas to write about. 

I think the director was trying to convey the "daily grind" because every scene with chickens had a similar scene with people.  The chickens appeared to be moving on conveyor belts and the people in the scenes moved in a similar fashion through places like trainstations.  It made it look like the people were part of a machine.  The director might also have been trying to illustrate overpopulation because in every scene there were either large amounts of chickens crammed in one small spot or a large amount of people in one small space.

Colleen and Marc reviewed my article.  Three improvements that were suggested to me were:  include more about Alexandra's personal life, explain why she is so competitive, and what started her love for sports.

I might add some background information about Alex to show more of who she is outside of sports.

    Alex stared down the undefeated girl that stepped up to the strip opposite her.  No had been able to beat the French speaking foilist, but Alex defiantly told her friends that she would.  As the bout started, Alex knew she was in for a workout.  Taking it slow at first she tested her opponent, searching for a weakness, and it wasn't long before she found it.  Crouching as low as she possibly could without sacrificing her form, Alex not only scored a touch on the undefeated girl, but knocked her off her feet.  Alex had found her weakness and it wasn't long before she won five to three.
    To Alexandra there is no greater feeling than giving it your all and beating the competition.  After mopping the floor with the undefeated girl at the University of Pennsylvania Fencing Camp, she found a new confidence in herself.  "I realized that I can do anything on any given day," she said.  However, fencing isn't the only love in Alex's life.  She is also very active on Hunterdon Central's varsity girl’s volleyball team and says that she could never make a choice between the two sports.  Alex says athletics is a way for her to stay active and "a way for me to get out there,” but her love for sports is fueled by teamwork.
    In Alexandra’s mind teamwork is the key to winning in any situation.  She reminisces about a time her volleyball team was at a three day tournament.  The first day they went undefeated, but when the second day rolled around they were faced with a team that looked like they had just gotten back from the Athens Summer Olympics.  “They all looked like they were six feet tall.  We thought they were gunna kill us,” she said.  Luckily for Central’s girl volleyball team there is no contact in volleyball.  The girl’s teamwork paid off, and like a well oiled machine they worked together to beat the intimidating team.
    As Alex starts her second season as captain of the fencing team she will be sure to include teamwork into her strategy.  Even though fencing is a duel sport, support and encouragement from your teammates goes a long way.  Alex does what she can to help her teammates out.  She helps them hook up, gives them some advice, and always encourages them from the sidelines.
   Alex hopes to attend John Hopkins University in Maryland, where she would be able to fence with her old coach and friend, Austin.  Of course fencing isn’t the only criteria in her search for colleges.  John Hopkins also has a Division III volleyball team that Alex hopes to become part of and continue with her love for competition and above all the camaraderie of hard teamwork.

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